30 days too long: National Institute

BY DAN

Breaking: 30 days is officially too long a time to wait for the Canberra Raiders first game of the 2020 season, according to a national institute.

The National Hype Measurement Institute has released a report that has found the time Raiders’ fans have to wait for the season is too long.

“This time is dangerous. It could lead to outrageous speculation, rampant hype levels and an overall risk of people getting their hopes up”, a spokesperson told The Sportress.

“Also at some point an adult is going to say it’s only 30 “sleeps” and another adult is probably going to punch them.”

“We’ve made a series of recommendations as part of this report. We’re calling on Raiders fans to watch the nines in a vain attempt to distract them for a weekend. We’re also calling on the government to find a way to speed up time so we can get to the season.”

When approached for comment, a government official asked “…can…can we do that?”

The Sportress approached Raiders’ Coach Ricky Stuart for comment but he reminded us we were legally required to stay 500 metres from him at all times.

More to come.


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