Hype Institute Scrambles


CANBERRA – Four months ago, the Canberra Raiders season was on life support, injuries in key positions, poor form everywhere else and a coach with a seat hotter than Mercury’s equator. Sitting fifteenth and needing a miracle, Canberra’s favourite sons won twelve of their last 16 games to surge into the finals series, pleasing fans and leaving a trail of gob-smacked experts in their wake.

But one national institution has been left scrambling, short staffed and overwhelmed by the sudden rise of the People’s Team.

“We’ve had to open hundreds of emergency positions.” said Brett Offin Director of the National Hype Measurement Institute.

“2019 allowed us to get everything in place over the course of the season, but this was unthinkable 4 months ago”

“2021 was a horrible year for us. We had to downsize due to covid and the lack of hype, the new measurement equipment we had to procure after the old system melted down in 2019, has sat largely unused since January 2020.”

When asked why a national institution could be caught so off guard by this sort of situation, Mr. Offin had this to say, “I take full responsibility. I had been talking to field experts in Sydney for months and they all said that it wasn’t possible. I was under the belief that only madmen could pull themselves back from the brink like that.”

So what sort of people are NHMI looking for?

“We need quality control people for taste testing green sausages. We haven’t seen it yet, but we are expecting green bread any day now and there is also the possibility of green pints to come.”

“Also due to some unfortunate scheduling last week, hundreds of youths have taken up the fine art of flick passing, so we need people with good hands to take some shaky passes and people to protect our vulnerable seniors.”

“All’s we ask is for a couple of hours a day from people and hopefully we can get through the next month without mishap.”

Do us a solid and like our page on Facebook, follow us on Twitter, or share this on social media, or i’ll call you a weak-gutted dog. Don’t hesitate to send us feedback (dan@sportress.org) or comment below if you think we are stupid. Or if we’re not.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s