BY ROB

Scene: Friday – Referee bosses office in Anti-Melbourne. Referees’ boss Gerkin Amberley has called Ay Kline into his office for a chat about Thursday night’s game.

GA: So Ay, should we run through your effort reffing Thursday night’s game between the Capital Conquerors and the Southern Dogfish?

AK: Sounds great!

GA: Right, so early on in the piece, you like totally let the Conquerors take control of the game and run in three tries.

AK: Ok, so that wasn’t my fault, I mean I was letting the Dogfish get away with assault in the ruck, but they just kept dropping it and giving away really blatant penalties, even I have to rule on those.

GA: Yeah, alright, fair point, I mean you redeemed that first half by helping the Dogfish swing it back their way.

AK: It’s great isn’t it, like I gave the Conquerors a second less in each tackle than what I give the Dogfish. Still, I think we have to take into account they’re much better defensively this year – we just can’t penalize the shit out of them like we used to.

GA: I guess.

At this point Amberley leans forward in his chair and lowers his voice.

GA: You’re still following the Prime Directive right?

AK: Of course!

GA: And the Prime Directive is?

AK: We never ever give the Conquerors an inch. Every 50/50 falls away from them. Catch them with an offensive penalty wherever possible.

GA: But in the second half you blew an offensive penalty in their favour!?

AK: yeah, that was my bad, I got mixed up.

GA: You made up for it by penalizing them for one of their guys getting hit not once but twice by that angry fat guy.

AK: Would we call him fat?

GA: Not to his face.

AK: Anyway, some of my best work!

GA: You gave them a chance at goal when it was locked up, which they converted.

AK: To be honest I totally thought the Dogfish were gonna pull that iron out of the fire.

GA: But they didn’t. They lost. In front of their number one ticket holder…

AK: Even I can’t help them on dumb passes.

GA: Now the Conqs get a week off and two free points!

AK: Hey man, welcome to rugby league! Yuk yuk yuk!