BY ROB

Cricket Australia has unveiled the National Test team’s attire for the upcoming summer, and the uniform has taken some brave new directions.

The new duds

“In response to the fiasco and fallout in South Africa we have made some considered changes to the playing kit. Gone are the temptations of pockets and waistbands, with the players now rocking a full body onesie. The cuffs on both the wrists and ankles are now constructed from super-tight elastane, which not even the greatest magician could manipulate” said a CA spokesperson.

“We sincerely believe that the body-hugging contours of the suit means that nothing can be concealed, not that we have anything to hide”

There are those who are not so keen on the new uniform, such as the players association who have some strong concerns surrounding health and safety. “We watched some of the suits undergo outdoor testing and three out of ten burst into flames in bright sunlight – we’re going to ask the ICC if we can station a fire extinguisher behind each wicket”.