BY ROB

With COVID19 shutting down sporting events faster than you can sneeze, the Australian Grand Prix officials have taken the unorthodox step of announcing a new sponsorship on the eve of the Melbourne race.

“We decided in the interest of public health to commission a new bubbly sanitiser from Dettol to replace the expensive vintage that the podium trio usually hose each other down with. We’ve instructed the drivers that whoever claims the top three finish they need to blast as much of this stuff across the adoring and possibly contagious crowd below”.

The Sportress has learned there’s even a contingency plan in place, with several junior grand prix staff seen trying to jam value pump packs of sanitiser into Sodastream machines in the catering tent.