Doctors Stumped By Record Numbers of ‘Green Eyes’

BY DAN

BREAKING: Medical experts are stumped as to why the Canberra Raiders record membership cohort have developed a rare form of viral conjunctivitis causing them to be ‘green eyed’.

Health experts are not sure how it started, but have noted a striking correlation between membership of the Canberra Raiders and the affliction.

“We’ve been looking at it for months now but the numbers just keep growing”, said Dr Raymond Stantz. “20,062. It’s the highest we’ve ever seen. We’re not sure how it’s spreading but it seems to only afflict Canberra fans.”

A spokesmen for the Raiders cautioned those who have it to stay calm.

“We’ve dealt with similar outbreaks before. All that can be done is to wait for the season to end.”

“The only side effects are raised expectations and broken tv remotes.”

Several of the afflicted

Health and football experts are predicting those afflicted will continue to suffer up until at least the first week of the finals, hopefully even a bit longer.

This follows on from a similar crisis last year in which 20,054 Raiders members were found to suffer from Sulfhemoglobinemia, a rare condition where excess sulfhemoglobin can cause blood pigment to turn greenish.


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