Things I Thought More Likely Than A Mitchell Marsh Double-Ton


Look it’s been a surprising summer for a lot of us amateur selectors. First Tim Paine and Shaun Marsh come from nowhere and the selectors’ knee respectively to roundly not suck over the first two tests of the summer. And just when we were done licking our cranky twitter wounds, here comes Mitchell Marsh to shock the world. Just how shocking has it been? Well the best way to show this is to list all the things we thought were more likely that a Mitch Marsh double ton before this test.

  1. A double ton by any other Australian batsmen
  2. And that probably includes Tim Paine
  3. And definitely Pat Cummins
  4. Heck Dizzy Gillespie’s double ton against Bangladesh surprised me less.
  5. Also Mitch Marsh taking 5 wickets
  6. On this insipid Perth wicket
  7. To win us this test.
Less surprising
  1. Steve Smith giving up cricket after this test because “this is just too easy for me”.
  2. And taking up as a climate scientist.
  3. Because he wants a ‘real’ challenge.
“Now for a real challenge – saving the world”
  1. Shane Warne praising Steve Waugh or Ricky Ponting’s captaincy
  2. And managing to get through a commentary session without referencing people binge drinking.
  3. Michael Slater not being overly excited by seemingly standard cricketing events.
  4. Ian Chappell being happy about anything.
  5. A Channel 9 commentator going 5 minutes without referencing Steve Smith’s average as captain
  6. Or referring to his ‘light sabre’ leave.
  7. The cricket show being dumped to bring back the 18 foot skiffs
  8. And Tim Paine finally changing his name to simply T Paine.
The selectors choose….T Pain(e)
  1. The Roosters actually being under the salary cap.
  2. Mitchell Pearce winning an origin series.
  3. The Broncos agreeing to a Third Party Agreement salary cap.
  4. North Queensland Cowboys not winning next year’s premiership.
  5. Ricky Stuart smiling.
  6. The Raiders not breaking my heart.
“I’ve never been so happy in my life”
  1. The AFL community being happy when Collingwood wins.
  2. Jeff Kennett not embarrassing Hawthorn fans
  3. AFL talk back radio being a source of good ideas and healthy debate.
  4. Julia Gillard playing full-forward for the Western Bulldogs.
To be honest i’d back her
  1. That vegemite ice cream actually not being heinous.
  2. The earth actually being flat
  3. Trump actually making America great again
  4. Mark Zuckerberg passing the Turing test.
  5. Australian’s tackling the issue of every 3 months someone being torn to pieces by crocodiles in north Queensland.
  6. Harold Holt swimming back to shore, healthy, fighting fit and ready to reclaim Australia’s Prime Ministership

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