BY ROB

For the second week in a row I find myself unable to rumble in the standard format. The Raiders are currently breaking my mind into pieces, and until they sort themselves out I don’t think I can be bothered with subheaders and the like.

We’re all here (at least I am, and if you’re reading this then you are too) because we love the Green Machine, even when they’re metaphorically pulling their pants down and doing big stinky poos all over the field.

We have to acknowledge that the Tigers came to play and win. They had intent, passion and belief. All the Milk had was a bizarre apathetic hubris.

Now, because the footy gods like a sick joke as much as the next deity, the Raiders must pick themselves up off the turf and travel to Melbourne, where an invigorated Storm outfit awaits them.

Normally at this point I’d start telling you about the options the Green Machine could examine for their game plan, but I think the best advice possible could be taken from an award winning interstellar travel guide:

I’ll now proceed to make things easier for the both of us – the Raiders are going to lose this game. All pressure is relieved. They will almost certainly continue to do some incredibly stupid things both in attack and defence.

As a fan I want you to feel free to grumble on social media mid-game. Don’t bottle it up. Being a “Rah Rah, Up the Boys” type doesn’t help anyone. It’s just averting one’s gaze from the terrifying reality of being a Raiders fan. As much as these periods are our penance, we should still be able to express ourselves before we wreck ourselves.

If there is one thing I want to see on Saturday it’s a half decent completion rate. I’m not really fussed what they do at the end of sets (so limited are the options), I just want to see them get to the fifth and last.

When I used to get to games on the regular I’d quite often yell “Hot blood & courage” at opportune moments, but I think first they might need to just focus on catching the ball.

Finally a big welcome to, and good luck in first grade for young Jordan Martin. He’s shorn his magical mullet off so I really hope he’s not Eden’s equivalent of Sampson. I’m sure he’ll go alright.

Raiders by Repeat after me: “It’s a Phoenix year, a year of transition and renewal. It’s not our year, and that’s ok”

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