BY DAN

National Rugby League ball hogger Peter V’Landys has announced that he will be the sole referee for the competiton this year.

“I just decided I didn’t like anyone having power except me, so this was just the best solution”, V’Landys certainly didn’t tell the Sportress. “I’m pretty sure I know better than the so-called experts, so I’m just going to do it myself.”

V’Landys said he intended to “let the game flow” and “let the boys decide it”. He emphasised that “less penalties are good because it means less stoppages” but also that he will “make sure there’s no wrestling”.

When asked if he had the time to referee 8 games a weekend, he answered “at this stage yes, but if worst comes to worst I’ll let Gus do a few games. After all, they’re his rules.”

Reports are emerging that V’Landys may also choose himself to be the chief selector for both New South Wales and Queensland, and has already pencilled himself in to play back-row and captain the Kangaroos at the next opportunity.

We approached Ricky Stuart for comment but he was busy sneaking into Josh Papalii’s house with a needle.

Hopefully more to come.